Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
