She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
