weddingsv make me drug and hornr
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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