sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he puts the penis in happiness.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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