i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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