Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
