just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
