I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
