Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize