so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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