my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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