you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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