so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
