I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
