I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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