somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
