My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
