Say something about gay babies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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