Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think I am morally bankrupt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
