So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
