if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
