I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
