If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
