Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
