ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
