I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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