I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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