I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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