you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
