I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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