piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
