Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
