Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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