just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
