at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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