do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
