I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
