So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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