Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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