I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
