I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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