There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
