Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
