You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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