The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize