so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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