U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
