My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize