every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
