Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
