two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
