Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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