she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize