Hey man sorry I got all grabby
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
