I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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