Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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