Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
