i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
