I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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