just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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