people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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