I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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