I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
