he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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