LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize