i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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