so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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