You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
