My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
wow bdsm is so cute
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize