I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
