Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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