i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
