i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
