I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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