I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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