I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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