I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
