Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
