I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
