so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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