I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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