What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
