My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
