I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
