I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
