Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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