More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
