You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
