oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
