is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
