she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
