She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
