my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize