So drunk its hurt
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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