Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
