im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
