i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
