Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
