we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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