we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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