I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
