Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She's JV to your varsity
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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