in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
