Joe is yelling at the trees again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
