I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
