I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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